Total Eclipse of the Heart;

Once upon a time, I was falling in love
But now, I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time, there was light in my life
But now, there's only love in the dark
There's nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
She doesnt notice me..
Nor does she want to come close..
She doesnt want to know me in part
A Total eclipse of the heart
I am always in the dark..
I hope i can find love again..
Because sooner or later i may depart
Due to a Total eclipse of the heart

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♥ Profile

My name is Adnaan or AKA Boss Man.

I am from Anglo-Chinese School(Independent) class of 4.3 AKA The retarded and best class of Sec 4 !!

My address is: You don't need to know because i am scared of death and stalkers.

Also, I like GIRLS not GUYS please be aware of it. OmgWtfBbQ

I am a SERIAL KILLER when i have my straw hat on. OmgWtfBbQ

∑ ♥ DESIRES

~~Desire #1 Good Friends.~~

Desire #2 Be a godly bowler.

Desire #3 For whoever is reading this to have a good life.

~~Desire #4 A nice birthday.~~

Desire #5 Fall sick and miss school.

~~Desire #6 An I-touch.~~

Desire #7 Getting good marks.

Desire #8 Just being liked for who I am.

~~Desire #9 Having at least one best friend.~~

JOS ♥♥♥

Desire #10 Going on with life without suicide.

Desire #11 Desperate need of CHEM ~~help~~ TUTOLAGE.

♀ Desire #8 For you to do this TEST ~ TRUE FRIEND.

Simon, Joshua, Jess, Sam 100%!.

Marissa, Max, Adam good friends :D.

Candice, Peter, Julie , Joyce 73% yay :D.

My Sister AKA DEMON, Amelia Low, Woon siong 67%, Marc ,Rubber 60% onli?.

ANTHONY LOW 13% wtf?.

Dislikes

In a depressed state u find u dislike all..

Links~ FUN FUN hahah...

♂ Anthony Wee.
♂ Brandon Ang.
♀ Candice Choo♥ (helped me).
♀ Cameron Lynn(helped me).
♀ Cheryl.
♀ Elaina♥ (helped me).
♂ Gregory.
♂Harris.
♂Isaac.
♀Jermaine.
♂ Kenneth.
♀ Kat~.
♀ Kathy.
♂ Lester.
♀ Marissa.
♂ Max.
♂ Marc Wee(Promoted).
♂ Sai Mun.
Sister Aka Demon.
♂Willie.
Blogless Below Aww...( forced to mention mainly)
♀Vanessa.
♂Ivan.
♂Joshua.
♂Peter.
♀Jessica.
♀Erliana.
♀Sapphrine.
♂/♀ Sam (Lolz).
♀Tera.
♀Amelia.
♀Joyce.
♂Woonie.
♂Anthony Low.

ARCHIVES;

February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008

Extras;

~~Wednesday, April 30, 2008~~

5:41 PM

So hear i am sitting so lonely at home, starring at my offending hand which is trying to kill me. (Oh gosh) So there is no more time for me to understand this cruel world who keeps tormenting me so... Therefore, I decided to just live with it and look at as positive as i can possibly can.

Alright, so update on my exams first. Well all the papers so far were really tough. Especially physics and Chemistry practical. Oh gosh, double titration's.. It almost caused me to faint (Weak willed?). Well that's beside the point. At least Social Studies was not that bad, rather easy actually. Although the SBQ required some time to understand fully, quite odd indeed.

So, the reason i haven not blogged in so long... Is because of exam, sigh. I feel really bad blogging now.. But hey tomorrow is labor day so (: I think one post wont hurt. I just really need to blog... One, because its a part of me. Two, "someone" keeps pestering me to update... Geez. Relax (:

Alright; events that have happened BEFORE exams, the oh so patronizing exams...

Well first of.. I am really missing my best friend Joselyn Hoi.. ): Been in London for soo long.. Haiz. Well i guess i'll get to see her soon so i should not be so sad. Loves.

Ok also, like went out with K mah to like Marine parade for fun haha! But my mum burst my bubble because she told me to be back hoe by 6 30 when it was already 5 + Omg.. So in the end i could not go to his house.. BOOO Ah well. We ate at pasta mania quite interesting actually XD.

So last week i went to like brass basah with Tess and we were like stonning for soo long.. It was kinda funny but very annoying. My exams woman! And you make me stone there tsk tsk...

Ok so now the bizzare part of everything that has happened to me. Right now i am kind of confused because i no longer understand the fine line between genius and nerd. Alot of people have been saying i am SOOO smart because i take triple science and Double maths so I am like... eer so ? But i dont know anymore. They all look at me like i am going to get really awesome results... But by the looks of it, I highly doubt so. Seeing as how i can possibly fail English and Malay, the two easiest subjects in the world.. I think i would die of embarrassment when everyone looks at my offending paper.

Ok and also, I have been having like weird thoughts lately... About someone who is my friend. I don't know if its a fantasized crush or just an annoyance that has emerged as a result of jealousy or something. Maybe i just need soo much attention... Thats what i always do anyway... Become emo and bother people because they try to comfort me but I am always so stubborn... Attention seeker ?

Haiz.. Now i just need to wonder to myself 1 thing... Do i like her or what? Sometimes i don't even know if i know this person but i feel like it's her... Although when your in deep thought (dreaming) you sometimes don't know who it is your dreaming about... but you know it's a friend. Oh well i guess i'll only know when i sum up the courage to ask. She probably doesn't feel the same but it can't hurt to try (:

Ok lastly... American Idol is so MEAN. They kicked out my favourite last week... Those bastards... Carly! We'll miss you so. Jason OMGWTFBBQ bb.

Oh and now the conspiracy again... i tried to talk to him again today.. Well not much to say even though i was trying really hard to start something. Ah well, no point talking to a rock. I realize that now.

Anyway, I won't be posting till after exams again... Next week XD. Ohhh i can't wait for my sleep over at Sam's house. WOOT ! Fun laughter and joy, i crave for you.

(P.S My bowling is getting noober by the day and my studies are dying)

expressing the emptiness inside me..

~~Thursday, April 17, 2008~~

9:47 PM

Doomsday is arriving soon. Mid years.... Therefore !! I Have made the decision not to post for a while... So all my avid readers... If i have any... Please look forward to posts in May (: . Or if i have some time i'll post again soon haha (: . Must go back to studying now omgosh...

Oh yeah and special thanks goes out to JERMAINE NG who is totally helping me with my otherwise quite sucky Chemistry haha !

Also thanks to Marissa And Max for their support for me learning music and teaching me a bit (:.

Something to live for !

expressing the emptiness inside me..

~~Friday, April 11, 2008~~

10:56 AM

Ok i have decided to stop posting for a short period of time due to mid-year's approaching. Gosh! But i shall leave this blog with one last nice post of un-emotic proportions so that everyone can remember me well (: . This is going to be long.. Oh well (:

First of, Tuesday.
Well Tuesday was quite uneventful nothing much happened.. It was the day my mum asked me to go and pick up a musical instrument... And i was like," It's my 'O' Level yeah you know !!". But she just replied," You need a way to relax. Your stressed too much!". So i was quite perplexed by her sudden decision.. So i had to make a choice of what instrument to play. First It was violin! Yay! Then i realized that a violin costs a lot.. sob sob ): Since i had an electone i thought of playing the piano then at least i would not need to spend so much money right now.. All in all it was quite bizarre. So now i still have yet to decide.. And it's already Friday ):.

Wednesday..
This was another one of my emo days because the doctor gave me a call and told me like there was now a 50 : 50 chance on me getting my left arm paralyzed. Oh well. I hope my sister will never read this because she is not suppose to know but she usually never reads blog's so (: . Well, with that said.. Today was American Idol and i really loved today's performances of inspiring songs! Just when i was feeling down it cheered me up with the phenomenal performances by all the contestants. Mainly, David Archuletta, Jason Castro, Carly Smithson and Syesha Macardo. Oh gosh i really enjoyed these performances the best. Although i did not really agree with some of the critics given by the judges.

So i would just like to share one performance that made me really happy after watching it because it just sent me a message from the heavens above, "To Believe". I now do believe.

Love this.

Oh also, Today i went out with Kenneth Mah. One of my really good friends! Who has always been there for me when i was sad and abit too emo. I really need to thank him. Oh we went to eat Paper Lunch or something.. Haha then his tuition friend was there too. I was just being a third wheel ): . Oh and what was funny was that i could not guess her name after endless clues! But i finally got it, Jasmine. Haha. Anyway it was a fun day overall (:.

Thursday,
Well today was one of the most fun days of the week.. Although my Mother kind of spoilt it. I got to go out with my beloved bestie right after i got home.. Yay ! So happy (: . Now it gives me a bit more strength to carry on with my life no matter what hits me. So i just have to carry on without holding back. Thank god.

Today, Friday.
I am just sitting here blogging because my mum forgot that i had school... (Don't know how that happened..) So she did not wake me up AT ALL. She realised it at 9 when she was about to go to work.. What's worst is that i forgot to set my alarm the day before because i was too tired to think haha. Usually my Dad makes sure i am awake but he is in India right now on Business. So well i am at home right now just blogging haha (: Because some people actually do read my blog! Yay. Oh and i am getting my instrument today! But i dunno what to get yet ): Darn me !

Ok so overall, This week and the past week has been really hard for me, but looking at it all, there must be someone out there worst of then me so i should be really thankful that i am so blessed. So i will try my best not too be too sad.. Most people say i am too sensitive but i guess it's just the way i am and i can't really change it. I have to care about everything and everyone (: . But no i really have to say my deepest thanks and apologies ( For the trouble caused) to some people. Namely, Anthony Wee ( Always there!) Elaina, Candice and Kenneth and my bestiess... Jos! Haha (: . Thanks for all your help trying to cheer me up. Also thanks to Jermaine and Elaine who also tried to cheer me up via blog and msn haha (: . So thanks world ! For giving me such great friends but i hope i won't have to lose any anymore ..

My heart would fall if i had to go through what i had to persevere through on Thursday. I found out something about someone who was supposed to be one of my most trusted friends.
But if he was..

Then why did he not tell me.. ?
Why did he keep it a secret.. ?
Why does he avoid me... ?
And what's worst is the she is doing the same thing to me... Not a clue.

Is it right for you to hate someone just because he knows about it?
Is it right for you to betray your friend whom trusted you with all his heart?
Is it me that is wrong or is it he that has done wrong onto me.
How can i respond?
How can i know what to say.. ?
How can he hath treated me this way?

How i wonder why is it he is trying to keep it all to himself?
Why is he trying to find a reason for hate?
Why does he not see that i can be a friend?
Is it he who has the problem or me?
For if someone has done wrong onto you, you can despise..
But if he has done nothing then why is it that he is trying to tell people its a lie?

I really don't know anymore. Maybe it was a test of time and of all things that i can say, It just means he was never my friend and now she is beginning to detest me as well. Gosh the world works in mysterious ways.. But i guess i just have to take the punches and live with them. It will never be this easy and so if i breakdown now.. Who knows what will happen in the future.

Simply backstabbed although he may not know it. It hurt me a lot. Time to move on. I can't hate him for he has done nothing wrong to me.. But why is he allowed to hate me when i have done nothing to him? Is it her influence or is it just his way of trying to keep it from me? He has lost my trust because he has demolished his trust in me a long time ago i assume. If he is reading this, I am quite sure you know who you are and it is YOU that i am talking about. You backstabber, but i forgive you.

Just because i can forgive, does not mean i will forget and it is he who has lost a friend because he is giving up on my trust in him for someone. Friendship does not last forever in his books. Maybe for him it's just an act or attempt to be seen at as popular although it will never happen. Whatever the reason. THE TRUST IS GONE AND NOW IT IS HE WHO IS THE CRIMINAL.

In my last words, I forgive you, he who shall not be named. I am sorry if i did something wrong to you so please forgive me but that does not mean that we need to be friends anymore. I just don't want to be hated. And tell her that i hope she can forgive me to if i have done anything upon her to be hated so much. Maybe it's your influence. I hope you can erase that. I don't want to be hated but i don't need to have your love or be liked. Just no hate.

In the end i just have to say,
I feel like beating you up inside but now that i have forgiven you all is gone.
How could you not trust me.
Now i just ask.

Would your world have been the same if i just left you alone? You should ask yourself this if you are reading. You know who you are. Here's a hint, you don't openly talk about stuff. You are almost silent. Go figure out who YOU are.

Also i just have to ask everyone. Would your world be better without me?

expressing the emptiness inside me..

~~Monday, April 7, 2008~~

7:00 PM

I am currently making a promise to the people around me.
I promised not to be emo anymore but i am tyring my best but life keeps bringing me down into misery. If you are reading this i thank you but i am sorry if it makes you depressed. I truly am. I just need to say it...
Well got into an accident the other day and now i am like almost cannot bowl.. Oh well. Just try little by little. The doctor said i haf to keep exercising my leg but i can't overexercise ? Or it may rupture again. Oh well lost of leg then.. Well whats more depressing is that i just talked to my mum today who just talked to my doctor, and turns out there was a risk muscle pull/slight fracture of my bone near my arm area.. So now there is the small chance that i will completely lose capabilities in my left arm. At least not my bowling arm right ? Ah well life just sucks. Also i just got insanely backstabbed by my so called best friend so now i am really too depressed to continue anymore so i'll stop for today. I'll talk about CIP another time. I guess -_-

expressing the emptiness inside me..

~~Saturday, April 5, 2008~~

10:05 PM

Ok so like haven't posted in a long long time. I do apologise to my readers if i have any.. So yeah i really am sorry.

I am just totally depressed and right now i don't have the capacity to even blog.. I am really really sad right now. But don't worry not near suicide..

I will try to post again some time soon after i get over my melancholic situation.

expressing the emptiness inside me..